Fading Memories
by Okami Stormblade
Summary: (Spoiler Advisory for Mass Effect 3) Cerberus has just finished its attack on the Citadel, leaving destruction and confusion in its wake. Civilians were shot down in the streets and C-Sec was nearly destroyed. But for once, Commander Shepard is not in the thick of things, trying to help everyone she sees. No, she has had her own causality, someone that she holds most dear to her.


"Farewell, Thane. I will meet you across the sea."

In a small, closed off room of the Citadel hospital, a human woman turned away from the bed that took up the middle of the room. She blinked away tears for the drell that now lay motionless on the covers.

Wordlessly, Commander Shepard turned away, leaving the drell's son Kolyat to mourn over his father's body. The last she saw of the young drell was him bending his head over the form on the bed, tears beginning to spill down his cheeks.

Shepard stepped out of the room, barely hearing the door sliding shut behind her. She began moving down the hall before her, which was full of the wounded beings that had been caught in the crossfire of Cerberus' attack on the Citadel a few hours before. She ignored everything around her.

Right at that moment, for the first time, nothing mattered to her: not the sound of children crying, the moans of the wounded, or the wails and pleads of the families of those dying or dead.

Everything was crashing down around her, the walls closing in on her.

He was gone, _gone_.

Thane Krios was gone; he had crossed over the sea, leaving her there to continue alone.

Shepard had never dreamed that she would find love in an alien, let alone a drell, a drell that was a highly skilled assassin.

Over two and a half years before, she had thought she had found someone in the human Alliance member Kaiden Alenko. They had grown close during the weeks that they, along with the others aboard the Normandy, hunted down the rogue turian Spectre Saren. But after the defeat of Saren, the Normandy was attacked and destroyed by a Collector ship, killing Shepard in the process, and Cerberus ended up bringing her back to life through what was called the Lazarus Project.

For two years Kaiden had thought that she was dead, and so the day that they reunited on the human colony of Horizon, Shepard had thought that he would be happy that she was alive – but she was wrong. He was angry that she had been working with Cerberus at the time, and had refused to listen to Shepard trying to explain that she was only with Cerberus to take out the Collectors, who had been abducting whole colonies of humans. Not even the words of Garrus, the turian who had been on the first Normandy with Shepard and Kaiden during the hunt for Saren, could get the human to listen.

They had parted badly, leaving Shepard angered and broken, as well as unwanted.

Soon after that day she had met Thane on Illium, where he had targeted an asari named Nassana Dantius. The head of Cerberus, the Illusive Man, had wanted her to recruit the drell for the fight against the Collectors.

Throughout the time that the new crew of the new Normandy spent hunting the Collectors, they had grown close – the broken commander who was expected to show a brave face and the drell assassin who had lost the mother of his son years before. They found peace in being near each other, calming each other's wounded minds.

Shepard had known from the moment that they had met that their time together would be limited, for Thane was months away from dying of Kepral's Syndrome. She knew that the disease would slowly take him away from her, making it hard for him to breathe, and accepted it, enjoying every moment she had with him, but this, _this_…

He had been ripped away from her on the blade of a Cerberus assassin called Kai Leng.

Shepard wondered if this was the true definition of cruel irony. Cerberus had brought her and Thane together when the two of them most needed the other, only to tear them apart now.

Thane had always said that he didn't want to waste away in a hospital, unable to do anything. He was a hero, for defending the salarian councilor and managing to hold off Kai Leng so that she could get away, but the Cerberus assassin –

All Shepard knew was that she would make Kai Leng pay and kill him as painfully as possible, as well as bring down Cerberus with her, including the Illusive Man himself.

Just then, someone bumped into Shepard, knocking her out of her thoughts.

"Watch it, _human_," A turian snapped at her, before continuing on his way, not recognizing her.

Shepard supposed that her face was so blood-stained and that her eyes were so red from tears that she was unrecognizable. It wasn't as if that that face was the one that the media was fed. She was actually glad that no one was recognizing her; she didn't want people swarming around her, asking questions when all she wanted was to get to the Normandy.

Trying to focus on where she was walking, she headed towards the docking bay, where the Normandy was docked and waiting for her to say the word to leave. Only, there was a slightly problem in the fact that the door to the ship was blocked by an unwelcome face.

"Hello, Shepard," Kaiden said in his husky voice, standing straighter as she approached.

"Now what do you want from me?" Shepard asked sharply, her voice hoarse.

Kaiden's brown eyes widened slightly at his reception, but he bowed his head. "I heard about the drell, Krios. I…I'm sorry, Shepard. From what I had seen of him, he was a good man."

"Yes, _he_ was," She said pointedly, crossing her arms and narrowing her eyes, "But you aren't here to talk about that. What is it?"

"I…. I was….wondering…hoping, really…that there was a place on the Normandy for me…like old times."

The way he said 'like old times' sent a flash of anger through her. Did he really expect that after all of the pain he had put her through, and after all of the doubts about her loyalty that he had thrown in her face while in front of other squad-members that she would allow him at her side like that again? Especially right after Thane –

Shepard turned away from him, rubbing her temples and closing her eyes for a few moments. It wasn't as if she could turn down someone willing to fight the Reapers. "I don't care, Alenko, but get this in your head – it won't ever be like old times again."

* * *

After Shepard had told Joker to get them away from the Citadel, she went up into her quarters, locking the door behind her. For the next few hours, she wanted to be alone, at least for a little while, not wanting Liara or Tali or even Garrus to come in; she also instructed EDI to not notify her about anything unless it was urgent.

Shepard spread herself out on the double bed and stared at the ceiling. She wished for the perfect memory of the drell; there were now many memories that she wanted to remember.

Every mission with Thane, every word he had spoken, every look he had given her, every subtle nod and bow, every touch, every kiss – Shepard wanted to never forget them.

It alarmed her that already some things were starting to fade. She tried to snatch them and hold them against her chest to keep them from slipping out between her fingers.

She loved Thane.

It was so obvious to her, then.

And now that she knew it, she could never say it to him.

She supposed that he could have known a long time before she did, but it wasn't the same. She wished for just a few more moments with him, so that she could kiss him one last time and say the words.

She had wanted to retire after – _if_ – they ever defeated the Reapers, move to a dessert, where he could have breathed easier, where they could have been happy. He had wanted to live, wanted it so much. He had told her as much when he came up to her quarters a few hours before Joker had flown the Normandy through the Omega Four Relay.

Shepard knew the odds of everyone surviving the war against the Reapers were very, _very _slim, so maybe there was hope for her after all. A small hope, but hope none the less.

Tears slid down Shepard's face as she closed her eyes, feeling exhausted from everything that had happened, and murmured, "I'll fight, that I promise, as hard as I ever have. But after…when this is done…I'll cross the sea to be with you again, Thane."

She slowly drifted off into a dreamless slumber, and so she never felt the light, gentle hands brushing back her tangled hair, never heard the voice speaking in a quiet whisper:

"_I'll be waiting for you at the shore, siha._"


End file.
